I ran across a little Black Widow hiding under my bathroom door a few hours ago. As you could imagine I was throughly surprised as well as afraid.
Now it's a known fact that Black Widows trap their pray in their evil webs of death before sucking their insides dry like a slushy, but most people are unaware of their second method of luring pray in. Hypnosis. Most Widows refrain from using hypnosis as it is very stressful on their brains, however every once in a blue moon when a formidable enemy crosses the Widow's path, she will strike. Here is a step by step guide to countering the master hypnotist and possibly saving your live.
STEP 1: Play Possum
Black Widows gain their strength from our fear, which only fuels their intellectual power. To counter this, pretend to be afraid, and the Widow will gain a false sense of confidence.
The trap is set and the Widow is soon to begin her attack. If you followed step one then your chances of surviving are allready better then most, but you must be vigilant.
Notice the pulsating red aura of doom radiating from her body. This is a clear sign she is preparing to rape your mind with her overpowering hypnotic beta waves of doom.
The fact that you are still alive shows that your mind may be strong enough to resist, but the deciding factor will be your ability to adhere to the next step.
STEP 2 "NO"
No is one of the most important weapons against the Widow. Her power intensifies with every second you give in to her will, so you must resist. You must say "no"
At this point most people would already be convulsing on the floor and foaming out the mouth, but not you, you are better then her. You can fight her.
You've done it, you used no and you destroyed the evil hypnotic Black Widow! Your triumphant act of intellectual defiance overloaded the Widow's cerebral cortex and sent it splattering across the bathroom floor in a gruesome wave of brain shrapnel and spider venom.
Basque in your glorious victory over one of natures most dangerous and underrated predators, but not for too long, as the most important step of all is still left to be done. This is the one step that can make or break whether or not you will exit the bathroom alive.
STEP 3: Disposal
Black Widows have highly advanced regenerative capabilities, and even now her brain is beginning to reform from inside the gaping hole in her head. To counter this you must carefully dispose of the body by a complex means that can only be described by the following illustration. Watch carefully as your life literally depends on it.
